but it's beautiful, isn't it?!

i have a difficult time being present.

i always fed myself excuses for why i wasn't present. namely, this one: "it's where you are, harrison- you're not present BECAUSE you do not want to build roots where you are not happy."

but it's not true.

my fetish with public transportation systems led me to this conclusion. here i am in Portland, a city that i've wanted to live in and one that i've been studying for years, but what am i doing? i am reading on the internet about Paris. Seattle. Madrid. NYC. i am reading about these cities and convincing myself that those are places i could be. (maybe even 'should' be). i did the same thing in Atlanta. nothing like a daily dosage of avoidance therapy to help one not face the beautiful realities of their life.

i am dreaming my life away. the best way that i avoid the present is by living in the future. i don't want this for myself. i want NOW for all it is. and i have to be real with myself: now is NOT found in reading about how awesome the Parisian Métropolitain is (for hours on end).

i AM happy where i am and i could have been happier where i was in Atlanta. (i'm not saying that i regret moving, though). i must not fool myself with a location change. i must engage. i must invest. i must thrive. and that takes conscious effort.

here goes.